A not so sudden realization that happened quite suddenly.

I realized that I am and was nothing but a whiny, self destructive fool. I have always found some new way to try and ruin my life, my friendships, and my relationships. I have always done it, especially with my SOs I did it with that first girl (I forgot her code name), I did it with J, and tonight I am even trying to do it to my current relationship. Either way, I need to stop living in my past. I need to stop trying to do the things I wanted to do then and try to plan for today, or even tomorrow. I guess that is all what these years of your life are all about. They are all about growing up, or growing into the person you want to be in the future. I can't take all the dumb crap from who I was and all the words I said. I especially couldn't stand my mannerisms. Still, I needed to destroy this. I needed to get rid of the blog that linked me to the past. Linked me to the relationship that helped me kill most of my others, the blog that linked me to that whiny kid who wanted nothing more than to make others happy and to make himself feel miserable. Not many people look at this blog, I can tell since they give you nice little charts and shit so I know it won't be missed, especially since I don't talk to anyone who follows it anymore anyway and if I do it is no more than an awkward meet on the street conversation. I even let my once best friend slip from my grasp, and I see that in parts of her life she could have needed a friend to be there. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't plan to stand on my pedestal and say that, "I VOW TO CHANGE MY WAYS" and all that shit, but I need to. I need to quit looking back on old memories and feel that I need to fix the problems in the past. That time is done now. To sum up, I am sorry to those I have wronged due to my own idiocy. I stand by a lot of my past convictions though, and if I could do it a different way honestly I wouldn't want to, because I know that our mistakes, our lessons we learn in life, our good, our bad is all what makes us who we are. I may be self loathing and all, but I at least respect the person I am now, and with the shit I have drug myself through I feel I earned that from myself. Maybe not others, but at least myself. So with this really long drawn out post probably laden with run on sentences and bad grammar I say, "Thank you. Who ever you are thank you for listening. I don't care if you skipped all the way to this sentence thank you, because you care more than some do."

I may or may not post ever again. I only post this now because I was using my blog to get to other blogs  to relive all the things I want behind me, but blogs are a good way to rant to people that don't give a shit and never will.

Good night everyone.